A Theory for This, That and Everything Else
“Why isn’t there a theory to shut the fuck up?”
Everyone is spouting theories. Like it’s their right. There’s a theory for sleeping. Waking up. And wiping your ass.
And it’s all bullshit.
One theory that’s doing the rounds is the Black Cat & Golden Retriever Theory. Where the guy is the golden retriever in a relationship. Chasing the girl around. While the girl is black cat. Always brooding and plotting. Trying to get away.
This is dating in general. One pursues. The other leaves breadcrumbs to follow. Not everything needs to be a theory. If you’re looking for attention, at least have the decency to beg for it. Or stand in the corner of the street. Ready to do questionable things.
Main Character Energy. Not even a theory. Just narcissism with better branding — where you’re the star and everyone else is a mindless NPC.
I fell for this shit too. I posted a video lip syncing some popular sound bites. Thought it’d make me look cool. Make me look like I didn’t have a care in the world. But the moment I posted it, I knew I looked like every other moron trying to get attention.
If you did shit like this in the past, people would call you a selfish prick. Now everything’s theorized. Academic. But at the end of the day. It’s just new bullshit corked into an old bottle and rebranded as “Wisdom.”
I see you trying to dodge blame. Don’t act like you’re above it. You’ve done it too. You’ve posted your Main character bullshit as well. Truth is I talk about it and you don’t. I wanted attention and so did you. I acknowledge it today and you let it rot in the back of your mind.
Another moronic addition to this is the Infinite Monkey Theorem.
Not entirely a theory. But has the same premise.
Put infinite monkeys in a room. Teach them to type. And with time they will type out The Bible.
What a crock of shit.
We don’t need infinite monkeys. We have influencers for that. Ones that try to push any brand if it comes with a check. No opinions. No morals. Just greed.
And how will you teach them to type?
Nobody seems to be asking these questions. They keep propounding theory after theory in a bid to sound cool.
And there’s a final theory.
Laced with apathy. Passed around by people with too much money and too little empathy. It’s the Fail Fast Fail Often theory.
It’s a permission slip to let rich kids burn through daddy’s money and six months later call it learning.
It’s an exclusive club, made for them and them only. Because I can’t fail fast, and if I fail often I’ll be out on the street. Without a penny to my name.
At the end of the day, whether you want it or not, theories get pumped out like factory-farmed chicken. You can’t just be happy or sad or pissed off in peace. Theories have to be shoved in your face and every asshole has a theory.
But there’s no theory for shutting the fuck up and living your life without posting it for strangers. Which is exactly why we’re doomed.